I haven't felt much like writing even if I've had the chance. I am starting back to work and it's exhausting me, physically and emotionally. I know it'll get easier. I just wish I actually had a choice, to work or not, to have my son in daycare or not. It used to be that way still for many of our parents' generation - I was lucky to have my mom home with my brother and me. Daycare can provide many positive things for a child, I know, but ----- it just doesn't feel right to me to hand Lewis over to someone I only very slightly know, someone who is not family and cannot possibly love this little boy half as much as I do. But --- maybe she will. Love him. I just feel unnerved and paranoid and panicky. I think I would feel this way no matter whom he was with during the day, outside of family. I need to trust that this will pass and that I won't continue to have obsessive thoughts about him choking on a toy car or suffering any number of other crazy disasters.
I don't want to end on that note, but I don't have a lot else to say. I need a good night's sleep........................ .
A good thing about today: I had a delicious Heath ice cream bar. They are my favorite.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
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3 comments:
It's never fun to leave them! Each day gets a little easier and eventually you get to a point where it is sort of good for you to have some interaction with adults. I'll be thinking of you and hoping your first few days go well!
Holly
I remember feeling exactly this way with Evan. It broke my heart that someone else would be with him more than I would. I have learned, though, that I am not built to be a stay-at-home mom. Our daycare mom loves him to pieces, and I trust her completely. I think that knowing her, and having Evan there, is making this fall with Marin a bit easier. We will be leaving Marin at daycare for her first time this Wednesday.
I'm thinking of you as you transiton back to working. It's hard. It's exhausting. However, the smiles, hugs, snuggles, and love that wait for you when you pick up that little one are so amazing.
Hugs to you,
Melissa
Hey Laura - I still think about my kids when they are at childcare...and it's been 2 years. Now, I'm preparing to send Lucas to Kindergarten, a whole new stage. Parenting is a role filled with change.
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