I have just started reading Chapter Three, but already I am having conflicting feelings. They're not bad, yet I feel slightly uncomfortable----I feel like I have to confront this contradiction in my life: I like to be alone, I am introverted, I sometimes get exhausted from too much time with people. BUT---- When I am with like-minded people, ones who are writing alongside me, sharing their thoughts with me, offering encouraging words and looking for some themselves, I feel much more creative. I am more productive. I attended the Northwoods Writing Conference last June, and I was with the most incredible group of poets. I wrote the first poem I'd written in a long time, one I'm proud of. Somebody needs to be asking me to show them something.....At least that's how it's been lately. I do hope to find a happy middle ground here---I want to find more enjoyment in writing for myself, for no other purpose than for joy. I just need to stop wanting my poems to be good all the time. That has scared me away from writing at all....unless somebody needs me to produce something. Otherwise, I always find something else to do yet feel that something's missing. I think about writing poetry, and I want to, but I feel afraid. I never thought I was someone who would feel afraid to fail, and I've never thought of myself as a perfectionist....Yet with writing, this is the way I am. The fear is keeping me from writing any poetry at all, and poetry is the only kind of writing I have felt a very deep passion for--,And I miss it.
7 comments:
Hi Laura,
I enjoyed your nice message at my blog :) Thanks! I have been learning alot about my "inner critic" from that section on page 57 :) I haven't quite figured out what my Inner Censor looks like yet but he is quite the gremlin! I love to write Japanese short-form poetry. Haiku and Tanka. In fact, it has become my morning mediation. Writing about nature and human nature is very relaxing and rewarding. I just know that you will come back to your love of writing poetry very soon because IT misses you too :) I hope you can tell your inner gremlin to take a hike! I think its cool that you and your husband are teachers and your doggie Monte is so cute! Sending you good thoughts to help you through :)
Best wishes,
Bette. ( you can see my picture if you click on my woodblock photos link, then click on my profile at Flickr) sorry my note is so long :)
Laura, I know how you feel. We didn't really get around to talking about writing so much on Saturday, but . . . maybe we could be "believing mirrors" for our poetry. :) Getting back to my poetry has shown up on almost every list I've made as part of FW -- right now my goal is to write one poem a week. Maybe we could do an exchange and give each other feedback? I know how much that motivates me, too...
Hello, thanks for leaving nice comments on my blog! How you write about your fear of not writing perfectly, this whole piece, EXACTLY sums up how i feel about my painting at the moment... see you have a talent for writing! You managed to express so eloquently thoughts and feelings that I find impossible to pin down.
This is how I am trying to look at the situation: Julia Cameron reckons the best way to get past our inner critic - the one who stops us from creating anything that is already 'perfect' before it hits the paper - is to just turn up at the page. The morning pages help get us past the critic because there is no right or wrong in them. So what I am going to do is get back to basics... instead of trying to create a masterpiece on a large canvas, I am going to scale things down and do sketches everyday in my notebook. Far less scary, and I hope it will keep my hand and eye loose and in practise, and to keep me creating. 'Cos once that pesky critic gets hold i stop creating and am MISERABLE.
thank you for writing this piece - it has helped me enormously. Have Faith in your self, and have fun!
Love and blessings to you, E
Laura, I have the same kind of issue. I have an inner critic sitting on my shoulder all the time. The bastard tells me I'm no good and my poems are no good and he never gives me a break. I can't get rid of him. Still, I recommend that you tell your critic to get out of town, and then write you write like blazes.
Blazes.
I'm not sure what blazes are, but writing like that must be good.
I am glad that you have connected with poets, that's very rare. I think you need to learn how to write like a pirate! (One of my favourite writing books) The principle is, write without any restrictions knowing that your inner editor will fix everything later. You will be amazed at the results.
there's nothing wrong with needing support. i think it's good to know what works for you in terms of being creative. sometimes when i need a little extra motivation, i'll join a class or a group doing this kind of work. having someone to be accountable to and being in an environment with other people doing similar work is immensely helpful.
on the other hand, i want for you to get beyond this fear that is keeping you from creating. when i get stuck in fear-mode, i like to bring it all down a notch, make it playful. is there a way you can make poetry in a playful way with no pressure? perhaps give yourself permission to write awful poetry? ( i give myself permission to make utter crap, that works for me usually.)
at any rate, i wanted to send on some big hugs your way. and hey, just looking at your comments, you've already got one offer of support! that's excellent!
Hi Laura! Your post really resonated with me today. I was taking a course on crocheting last night and one of the other class mates and I were talking about the frustration of not finishing projects. We both agreed that, in part, we are looking for the imperfections in our work that we think are standing out like a soar thumb. I've never considered myself a perfectionist on any level, but I guess in some ways I am. At least when it comes to the things I make. The art I make is such a true and strong reflection of who I am. I am always very conscious about how I think others will see it. I'm working on the idea of just having fun with creating.
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