Over the last couple of weeks, I have realized that I won't get nearly enough done this summer if I do not create for myself some sort of routine. Growing up, I was a huge routine person; it was endlessly comforting to know, for the most part, what to expect from my days. Still, it's one of the things I most love when I go home, one of the things I am grateful my parents provided me. But when I moved away and started college, routine kind of dropped out of my life. At first I loved that, of course - no bedtime, nobody checking to see where I was going, as much tv (cable!) as I wanted, etc. Now, though-----It's almost ten years later and suddenly I wish I were five again, sitting on the linoleum in our little kitchen, waiting for Mom to bring me my apple juice. Matt and I would sit side by side on that floor, every morning for I don't know how long... And now...Usually I have to make an early trip to the grocery store if I want juice, which in turn doesn't usually happen.
But. I really want to change my haphazard, routine-less living. That means discipline, however, and this virtue is one I am not so familiar with. Regardless, here's the plan: I have to pick a bedtime for myself (and actually stick to it) so that I can get up with the sunrise and have a few hours to myself. During that time I want to reflect, pray, maybe take Monty for a walk, and write. I HAVE to start writing poems if I want to finish my thesis, so I'm going for a poem a day. Even though I'll have to throw some out and revise the rest, I'll start gathering some content.
What I'm looking forward to most about this plan is the time to myself. Besides having no routine, what I've done over the last few years is forget that I have always needed to be alone. I am so in love with Adam, and I love spending time with him, but I know that time could be much more quality if I make sure to take care of myself. So much is changing in my life, in the world, and with no time to consider it, fear starts to creep in. Probably fear will find its way in anyway, but at least I could try harder to find peace.
The other day someone reminded me of The Serenity Prayer, and I've been saying it on and off in my mind since. My mom loves this prayer and I remember her reading it to me, remember it being on a wall in our house. It means something different to me now, though, I guess because I've lived more of my life--
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I wish all of you a happy Friday and weekend!
Friday, June 29, 2007
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4 comments:
I wish you luck in finding your routine. I know exactly what you mean...about all of your reasons for needing one. I find myself thinking, almost every day, that I just don't have time for all the things I want or need to do. But so much time gets wasted in sleeping later than necessary, in trying to decide what to do next because there's just so much, in panicking because I'm perpetually playing catch-up. Your post has given me some clarity, actually. So maybe I'll start working on a routine, too.
I also with you luck Laura and if anyone can do this, I know you can. It's funny, I never thought I was one for routine but without it I feel lost now and exhausted. It's true, if we don't schedule time for ourselves we inevitably never get any.
I think you are already on your way. You seem to know why you want a routine, and the value that it holds. Be nice to yourself:)
wishing you all kinds of luck with this ... i am trying to introduce routine into my life as well but am finding that while i succeed in some regards in others (like getting up in the morning) i am failing miserably ... but that's okay, I'll figure it out eventually ... : )
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