Sunday Evenings

I can't help but feel sad by five or six o'clock on Sundays. The fact that I feel this way makes me even sadder. I do know it's time for a change of scenery, or career even, just for awhile. I love Gemmel Ave., not to mention Bemidji, but.... I need something else. Adam and I have been thinking of something brand new for next year. An adventure, even. I love so many things in my life - my husband, my family and friends, Northern Minnesota, the books that line my living room walls, my Basset Hound, my cozy bed with a zillion pillows - and I feel so blessed. But I have to figure out a way to get rid of this sadness. I want to look forward to my weeks. I know many perfectly well-adjusted people don't LOVE Mondays, but right now I am just trying to make it through to Friday. I don't deserve this, and my students don't deserve this. Lord - I certainly don't want to be a 27-year-old version of my high school history teacher, who had a countdown on the chalkboard of his days until retirement....FOUR YEARS before it was to happen!

I know there's something inside of me I need to change. There's a quote I remember, something about "the secret" lying not in seeking new landscapes but in finding new eyes. I am remembering that, but it's slippery in my grasp...

On a side note, I re-read my last post and laughed, as did others who read it, maybe. I wrote about how I hadn't been old enough to really screw up and make mistakes in high school, speaking as if I've lived my whole long life and can really say something about it. But in the eight and a half years since my graduation, I HAVE hurt people through thoughtlessness, through mistakes that I continue to make. I feel afraid sometimes of other inevitable mistakes. I know you have to fall down (as long as you keep getting up.....), but the regret stays with me and it's building this layer that isn't all good for me. But....maybe it is.

Okay. Enough musing. I have "An Inconvenient Truth" to watch. I saw it over the summer, but I was at the Beach Theatre in Florida and the place serves alcohol, so some of the horrifying facts are hazy. An incredible movie: that much I certainly recall. Al Gore is so intelligent and conscientious, the movie made me feel an intense (renewed) longing for a change in our country's leadership.

Anyway, goodnight. Here's wishing everyone a beautiful, hopefully snow-filled week.